We have them now and then, those weeks that see you taking a deep breath and praying you’ll make it to the end healthy and sane. Last week was one of those, things stacked up, lots of big things: goodbyes, a new job, facing the demons …
I thought I’d examine the effect on my mental health. Weeks like that can uncork the most grounded being. And I’m working on the grounded part. I’m a leaf with a rock on it.
Christmas begins earlier each year. Soon the Christmas lights will stay up year round, Christmas in July is becoming a fashionable past time. It’s about food and company and cool weather and food and cool weather so we can eat more food. Food centred celebrations combined with social anxiety pose real barriers for people with ED (eating disorders).
It’s terrifying! All that food and all the expectations, ‘Try this, just a little, but I made it, it’s an old family recipe, I make it every Christmas.’ I’m out of there if only in my mind. Christmas is a challenge for many people but those with EDs have another level of complexity to bring to the table.
They often don’t know when it went weird, their relationship with food.
Is it necessary to hit rock bottom?
Pain it seems is an effective teacher because it makes life intolerable. It interferes with joy and peace. Being overwhelmed kept me trapped in a bad situation. I’ve often been asked, ‘How did you stop doing that?’
A difficult decision had come to fruition, I’d sold a dream I’d created, the family had grown up. Stress, anxiety, overwhelm… Life gave me lemons but I struggled with the recipe for lemonade. Change still tasted a tad sour.
My feelings took me back to when I was fourteen.