The Slippery Slope

‘I’m not really sure what’s going on with me and food.’

There are so many misconceptions around anorexia. Most people living with it are misunderstood, brandished as:

  • Attention seekers
  • Vain
  • Control freaks just to mention a few.

But it is much more complicated than that. Life becomes unbearable during the anorexic experience. Pressure builds up slowly but surely. Many women subject themselves to this choice, life in the pressure cooker.

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Owning It

Anorexia is my shadow. It’s been with me since I was twelve. It coerced me, engaged me, changed me but never left me.

I hated it. It made me feel ashamed and flawed. Why? Why me? How did this happen? How did a beautiful, intelligent, successful person live a dual life? No one knew. The duality remained hidden.

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Reflections of an Ex-Anorexic: Beauty

Making sense of the struggle has unearthed many questions. The cycle of body image, perfection, calorie counting… had to lead some where. Beauty. The well-worn path meandered, looping carelessly back to the past and  stretching outdated values into the future.

Beauty, what is it? What happens in the mind of a person with anorexia? Is their perception of beauty different? Can the insidious web of the disease keep the sufferer trapped, centred on a fixed idea? How did the idea of beauty arise? What did that mean to me?

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Antagonising Antagonist

The antagonist, the adversary of the hero is giving me grief. And so it should, as I am the protagonist in my memoir. A vicious circle, the chicken or the egg or the egg or the chicken has me chasing my literary tail.

Anorexia

                                               Adolescence                     Acceptance

                                  Marginalisation                                             Prejudice

                                                   Fashion                              Beauty

Power

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Eating the Elephant: Book Plan

Question: ‘How do you eat an elephant?’

Answer: ‘One bite at a time.’

New projects can be like this. Huge, Grey and Shadowy,

the illusion of being in a mist. Mulling around in that confused head space is

COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.

I am embarking on a new project, that leap into the unknown that I alluded to in last week’s blog. A new book. A new challenge. Methodical by nature, I find structure keeps me on track. Shamelessly, I admit that I like lists. They provide a point of reference and also reinforce achievement.

elephant

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Sharing One’s Vulnerabilities

It’s okay.

What did I say?

It’s okay.

Really but I’m not sure where I’m going…

24″ Waste has taught me a lot. My latest memoir based on a flaunt with Anorexia in the 70s, has been a long and convoluted road. I wrote it, getting my message on paper. But the underlying concepts were unclear. I have a really good friend, smart, honest and most importantly a reader.

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Synchronicity

The decision loomed, change and move forward or … Books in cupboards = books not in the hands of readers. Inspired by a new idea, I had dropped copies of Schicksal within regional Victoria. A trip up the Newell Highway to Brisbane, my place of birth, gave me further scope to share my book.

The journey took me down memory lane to a time when my parents had made the same journey visiting me in Melbourne. Synchronous moments began commanding my attention. I tried to ignore them, immersing myself in the beauty of the Australian landscape.

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