Sometimes life cracks you open and sometimes it doesn’t. Facing one’s mental health issues does. It does. Rising above the monsters that lurk behind the 2D cut out self, takes self-compassion and patience. Some would say we have to fight and slay the beast. But is it so?
I had to befriend mine. An acrostic poem …
Anorexia divides you but its subtle. The anorexic voice in my new novel even has a name, Saima. It took me a while to work out that my inner voice had gone awry. Let’s face it how often do we share the machinations of our inner worlds? Not often. Why? Probably because we are ashamed of some of the thoughts and embarrassed by others.
The question is ‘her’ or ‘me’? And more importantly how do I recognise who is speaking?
Image source: http://thebluediamondgallery.com/a/anorexia-nervosa.html
I’m a societal success but the confusion between the voice of anorexia with the voice of self-love shadowed much of my adult life. On the external stakes, I tick most boxes. I’m:
- attractive (for my age)
- socially connected
- on my first marriage
- and contributing in a professional capacity
But ego, the master of deception keeps coming in through the side door trying to convince me otherwise.