Body image. Being female. Life’s challenges: wedding dress or bikini? Both bring us face to face with our bodies. They are emotionally charged experiences, all mirrors and expectations. Bikini shopping lays us bare, as close to naked as it gets. But the wedding dress final fitting puts our flaws under the microscope on a grand scale.
Can you relate to the image of the girl on that special day, hand on tummy, breathing in, eyes avoiding while desperately seeking the mirror? She’s present but has checked out. Self-acceptance is out of her comfort zone.
Have you ever felt your back up against the wall, repetitive and intolerable situations pressing you tighter into the corner? My life has been a series of micro-deaths, traditions, observances and people. But I keep trying to fix whatever is broken. I’m looking at the finger not what it’s pointing at.
Everyone’s busy. Grim faced people stream past me on the street. Many are typing or scrolling on their phones. An old lady approaches, dressed up for an outing, a day in town. ‘Beautiful day isn’t it?’ her gravelly voice washes past me. She’s still walking having learned that no one has time to stop.
I think of the VCE students who walked through the school gate for the last time yesterday. The relief and uncertainty, a balm and a wound shoulder them. It’s now or never … exams, results, courses, dreams … I remember.
One hundred pounds, my goal weight paled. A menopausal woman, a mother of three and a grandmother my relationship with my body had travelled a crooked path. It began eighteen months ago, the compulsion to re-immerse myself in the adolescent years reviewing my association with my inner voice.
This week passed by so quickly, I thought I might have dreamt it. My reality markers confirmed that I’d lived it: a whirlwind week recorded in my iPhone diary.
It’s been good. After silently working on my dreams and aspirations, I almost gave up, the struggle within wearing me out. Truth didn’t equal reality. Stuck and uncertain, dark glasses blinded me. Time to stop fighting .
Writing is one of my passions. It tests me. While out on my morning walk, I let my mind wander, looking for some inspiration to share with you. The three words, hope, faith and charity kept popping into my head.
I wondered about their relevance in the life of an author. Schicksal tested my faith. My new book tests it again.