Anorexia’s Challenge: Authenticity

I consider myself recovered. But some days a small voice nags. It is still there lurking in the background. Weird things seem to trigger it, but most centre around a central theme: authenticity. I used to feel separate, Anorexia does that. It cuts you off.

Challenges are a gift. Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. Sometimes life gets me down and I struggle to see the positive. But at those moments that I feel the most disconnected, I’m again honouring the  inauthentic in my life. In a world dripping expectations, remaining true to oneself can be quite a challenge. I’m not ashamed to admit, I spent a good deal of my life chasing rainbows.



The Grail: Me

                                          All seems well

                                Until the nagging voice

                                         Takes a step back into the limelight

                                                   Honestly helping

                                   Elegantly disguised

                                                              Never intending distress

                        Tactfully cutting and dividing

                                        Illicitly sharing my inner world

                                                    Careless with my feelings

                                 Incessant and demanding

                                                        Taking me from

                                      Yearnings of self-awareness

Authenticity was thwarted by my bad habits, running away, chasing shiny glittery things, giving away my power … cut and divide … fragment and disassociate. The inner world is a vast space and it’s easy to get lost in there. I didn’t share my inner world with others. It’s was difficult to trust someone with my distorted thoughts and feelings. What if I was judged? So I muddled along getting more lost or less lost, until I ran out of steam. I believe getting to know myself again and establishing respect, love and compassion for the person, I’d scattered to the wind was pivotal to my recovery.

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