We have them now and then, those weeks that see you taking a deep breath and praying you’ll make it to the end healthy and sane. Last week was one of those, things stacked up, lots of big things: goodbyes, a new job, facing the demons …
I thought I’d examine the effect on my mental health. Weeks like that can uncork the most grounded being. And I’m working on the grounded part. I’m a leaf with a rock on it.
Sunday to Sunday Flat Out
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday …. Sunday. Here there everywhere. Old and new. Places and things and emotions and parting and new beginnings. Adrenaline rushes through my veins, I can feel my arteries becoming sticky. Aspirin: check. Leaf and rock, husband and wife and time. Love found and lost and twisted up on itself. Unrecognisable in this guise. A big drive, should be exciting but goodbye never is. It hurts and tears try to wash away the bad taste in my mouth. A crazy solution . It could only work in a dream where the surreal seems plausible and even believable. Job: lack of purpose drives me back to the fraternity. I’m ready, excited and willing to go. My GP would be happy. He wanted this. Maybe more than I. Google what a gem. Traffic is heavy today. I say thank you and pop my jittery, spinney, new-job-health-care professional self in the car. Red lights for miles. I’m on the tail of the red commuter dragon snaking my way into Melbourne. The news drives me mad, I plug into the Mozart Effect. And I get there and I make it through the introductions and name blurring, and password resets over and over and over. I see clients and my sanity returns, I’m safe and helping. In and out of the zone, newbie, professional, newbie, professional. Healthcare lasagna. My headache drives us home on the back with the dragon that’s sprouted scales (trucks) that impair the traffic flow even more. I’m desperate to get home and light a candle of hope. And It’s Thursday and the day blurs with IT things and courses and … And It’s Friday day 2 but I’m in better space. I’m kicking the anxiety. I’m recognising it and slaying it with a sword that would be handy on the freeway. Week over, I feel inspired a glimmer that explodes like a mega firework in the sky. I dance around the kitchen to a self-welcome. Home never looked so good. Tomorrow I’ll walk and cook.
I promised myself, I’d do better with the new job stress and I didn’t. Reflecting I think It was me and the system of induction which makes it hard. We hot it up with unrealistic expectations and want to appear super together and competent. It’s a hard space to navigate. But I learnt something. By day two I learnt to say, I’m a bit overwhelmed, give me a bit of time on this. I learnt to monitor my thoughts, to say to myself; it’s a thought let it go. I’d short cut the stock piling. The lack of fuel thwarted the vortex.
Kindly share your thoughts. What works for you in this situation?