Emotional Resolution

Allowing has been a challenge but I’m doing it. I’m moving to the heart. Maybe you can relate to being trapped in the head with all those chaotic thoughts. Maybe you feel deeply and intensely, so deeply that it scares you. Maybe you want peace and emotional resolution.

Here’s a poem about my experience.

heart

Moving to the Heart

The coolness of my inner self 

Streams past me

I’m still descending 

Into the dark night of my being

A familiar place now dusty

Incompleteness accosts my senses

It peppers me from front and back

Vague recollections

Fragments

That threaten to undermine the certainty of the darkness

I’m afraid and not afraid

I can see but don’t want to see

My feelings swirl encasing me

A mist caught on the winter wind

Unease settles in my head

A woolly beanie that’s just a bit too tight

In search of allowing, it moves to my chest

My heart envelopes the unease

Large but cramping 

It’s chastity struggling under the assault

It’s diving with me

The pregnant cocktail  of past and future fears

My stomach lurches

Full yet empty and incredibly alone

Saliva gathers in my mouth

The taste bitter and acrid of years long gone 

My stomach lurches and expels

I can’t recognise what is streaming from my nose and mouth

Waste amassed

Stress hormone residues rooted in past invalidation

I’m a child clueless, not knowing how to respond

Helplessness and vulnerability flay me open

Exposing my wounds

Among the rubble I gather and sort

Forming pictures and associations

That I can recognise

I’m watching me and allowing it all to be

Encircling all the things I have held prisoner inside

For shame or guilt

‘It’s okay,’ I say to my shadow, 

‘Come here so I can love you.’

I acknowledge my brokenness

And the healing begins

 

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