Shapes and Life

It happened amidst the chaos, the email that piqued my curiosity. I read it. A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. It was a dangerous link with the past. I closed it and decided to sleep on it.

The next morning, I looked up at he Paperbark trees glowing in the golden light of the morning sun. Picking up the phone, I reopened the email; the job offer beckoned. A warm glow spread through my body, maybe I should go back.

spiral

My time out of the fraternity had left me slightly uneasy. Although I didn’t want to admit it to myself, a lack had made itself known. I dragged my CV out of its moth balls. Well overdue for a face lift, I spruced it up a little.

Cover letter, check; CV check; send button check. The job, an emergency locum excited me. I began to think. How odd, a part of my life I’d happily closed the door on, now resurfaced. Why?

I’ve often considered the shape of life, as it transitions from one phase to another. Is it

  • a circle
  • a square
  • a triangle
  • a tube
  • a random collage?

We’ve all been the circle living that inescapable déjà vu, waking up in the middle of our mess only to find ourselves in that same spot. usually we scream, how/ How did I get back here again. Like a waterwheel, we seem to be grinding the same path. We’ve been the square, tightly packed in, organised, a time for everything. My teenage years living with the ongoing demands of anorexia were like this. It became a limited existence.

Life changes shape though becoming a triangle forging ahead, backing up the rituals and finding new ones. An urgency to comply kept the point sharp, moving forward dragging my skewed beliefs behind me.

I became a mother and my two-dimensional world changed broadening as the children arrived. They added depth to my existence, volume. It became harder to see the edge of life, as it flowed along, years passing gently.

One day I woke up and the kids were grown. They’d moved out, all three within a five-week period. My life imploded, little bits of me randomly scattered. I looked at the result barely recognising this person standing before me in the mirror.

It began then, the rebuilding. The mid-years combined with the insanity of menopause, provided a painful opportunity to rebuild. Anger provided impetus when sleep deprivation stalled progress. Walking among the shards, I would pick them up and  re-evaluate if they belonged to the new me. Slowly, I integrated my life experiences choosing to leave my professional life behind.

Enter the fateful email.

I’d gone full circle but found myself elsewhere, not standing where I’d expected. I’d traced a spiral moving through, adolescence, career, motherhood, career, semi-retirement and career change. Choosing to revisit a rewarding part of my life, I brought with me valuable life experiences. Maybe there was more to learn.

 

Kindly share your thoughts. I’d love to hear from you.

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