On my writing desk I have a photo of my mother. She laughs at something riotously funny. The image in the sepia tones of time, is someone I never got to know. Her European side locked in the vault of her heart buried deep,sleeping soundly.
This morning I reflected on Mother’s Day and the cycles of nature. As a child I revered my mother, loved tagging along as she completed her household chores. In adolescence we drifted apart as I began to befriend for the woman inside me. I selected the direction of my feminine reality.
Then I became a mother, young and confident. Embracing motherhood I sought to provide foundations for my children to stand on in their lives. I watched them adore me, running to the door when I came home from the hospital, hugging my knees and saying, “I love you mum.”
My heart still overflows just remembering this.
My readers may recognize this image, the basis of a chapter in Schicksal.
They grew becoming reclusive adolescents, struggling with the rigors of their world, friends, school and boys. I found I didn’t have the answers that I believed I had and as we traversed the darkness, I often wondered if I’d done enough.
Now I am expecting my first grandchild and watch my daughter step into the role of mother. Her new role sits nicely on her shoulders as she gently strokes her baby bump speaking to her child fondly.
I am about to become a grandmother and a mother to my daughter again. Now we have something new in common. She too will look at me with fresh eyes. I often think of my mother and her wisdom.
Little saying of hers pop out of my mouth now.
Now in my mid fifties I understand that not everything my parents taught we was correct or applicable in today’s world. My harsh judgments have been buffed smooth my own life experiences and I understand that my mother did the best she could with what she knew at the time.
She did a great job. This highly empowering thought has helped me love the prickly bits which for a long time got under my skin.
I am really looking forward to seeing my grandchild grow. Hopefully I will be able to share some of my wisdom with the little one as my daughter continues to acquire her own. Hopefully our family will honor all perspectives and we can all help each other grow.
I love you, Ma.